Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
