I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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