she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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