fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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