I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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