your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
