I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The beer is more important than you right now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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