So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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