Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
