so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
