My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
