life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
