we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
