I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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