Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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