Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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