fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
