its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
