Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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