Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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