I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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