PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
