He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
