I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
