the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
