you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
