I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
