he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
