My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
