don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
