whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
