real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
