I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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