Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize