happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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