i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
