Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
