If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
