I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
