TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
