What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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