According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
