you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize