I'm going to jail i love you
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
