You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
