the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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