Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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