Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
