My cat gives me a boner
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
