you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
