Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
