I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize