problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
