I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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