this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
