I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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