I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
