I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
