i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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