I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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