Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
