question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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