I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
