every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
