Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i need some magic done to my vagina
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
