you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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