you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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