The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
