I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize