Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
