Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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