You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
