Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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