I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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