just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
