STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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