best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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