Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
