I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
