i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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