Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
