so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
