Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
