I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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