so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
